May 2013
beyonces-butt:
I hate it when you’ve been really on edge for a while and then you have a breakdown over a little thing and everyone thinks that you’re getting super upset about not washing your hair
braziliantt:
I seriously cannot stand stuck up bitches lol like you literally have no sense of reality so shut the fuck up
2073:
money can’t buy happiness but it can buy a false sense of security and fruity alcoholic beverages to numb the pain and honestly what’s the difference
me: i'll just add 'haha' at the end so i don't sound mean
gnarly:
Why do some couples make their status “single” every time they fight. I don’t put “orphan” when I get into fights with my parents.
(I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)
Me: “So, where’s your mom at?”
Boy: “She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”
Me: “Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”
Boy: “Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”
(I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)
